SHENCH

Separated at Birth SPECIAL EDITION -- Jerry Maguire and Love and Other Drugs

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 00:25:00 +0000

Successful-in-the-bedroom-but-not-in-the-boardroom protagonists: Tom Cruise (sports agent) and Jake Gyllenhaal (pharmaceutical sales)

Women who complete them despite their significant baggage: Renee Zellweger (kid) and Anne Hathaway (Parkinsons)

Spark plug superstars who help their agent advance their career: Cuba Gooding Jr. (Wide Receiver) and Viagra (boioioioioing)

Four eyed comic relief: Jonathan Lipnicki (kid) and Josh Gad (Jonah Hill clone)

Separated At Birth 6

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 16:15:00 +0000

Lost Boy Rufio and PGA Tour golfer Anthony Kim

Separated At Birth 5

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 19:00:00 +0000

Bears Offensive Coordinator Mike Martz and Local TV executive Spencer Koch

Separated At Birth 4

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Sat, 06 Nov 2010 23:01:00 +0000

Original flavored Goldfish and Saltine flavored Goldfish

Live From: The Fulton Open 2010 -- Round Three

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 14:47:00 +0000

Leaderboard -- Click to enlarge

The word ‘champion’ may be defined in many ways. It may be defined as someone who wins a competition. It may be defined as someone who fights for a cause. It may be defined as someone who leverages a high handicap to beat his nephew and brother in law for three days and then get off on it for an entire year. On Thursday, at the final round of the 2010 Fulton Open, champion was defined with just one word: FULTON. In what will be remembered as the most iconic of his seven major championship victories, Fulton called on all the wisdom, insight and sausage eating of his nearly seventy years to play the round of his life; and in doing so claim one of the championship's most lopsided victories.

As the final round began, all players called on their superstitions, hoping luck would be on their side. Koch Jr. shaved his scraggly, Sergio-Garcia-As-A-Teenager looking beard in the hopes that a fresh face would give him a fresh start in the tournament. Unfortunately it only resulted in him playing like Sergio-Garcia-As-A-Thirty-Year-Old. Fulton dressed in his power color: burnt salmon. He feels this color represents his aggressive side -- a trait that shows his competitors he is ready for battle. Also he really likes to eat salmon. Koch Sr. continued his pastime of watching Fugitive DVDs at 4am – though this tradition has not brought him any success at the tournament.

Entering the day with a five stroke lead, Fulton knew what he needed to do to claim victory: avoid the blowup holes which had plagued him in the past, and force his nearest competitor, Koch Jr., to make a run. Early in the round, Koch Jr. did just that. Birdies on one, two, four, five and seven cut Fulton’s gap to three, headed to the difficult par three eighth.

Standing on the tee, Koch Jr. smelled blood. The treacherous par three with water on the right had plagued Fulton over the years; a several shot swing was very possible. Little did he know it would happen in Fulton’s favor. It was Jr. who made his worst swing of the day at the wrong time and knocked his ball in the water. With the pressure off, Fulton strode up to the tee, hitched his shorts, and hit what will be remembered as the shot of the tournament: a piercing hybrid from 160 yards which cut through the wind, landed short of the pin, and rolled to three feet away. After tapping in his birdie, Fulton had restored the lead he began the day with, and successfully mitigated Koch Jr.’s charge.

Though he would birdie the following hole and remain persistent for the rest of the round, Koch Jr. never got within three shots of Fulton. On the par four 10th, with the pressure of the tournament on his shoulders and some local assholes in the group behind, Jr. hit a particularly bad shot which clashed into the trees and caused him to throw his eight iron, along with his chances of winning, into the humid Carolina air.

The back nine proved to be a coronation ceremony for Fulton, who navigated the holes with the poise of a man who had everything go his way for an entire week, and knew he was going to have fried shrimp at a gas station for dinner. After several victories that had come at the expense of a competitor’s choke, Fulton had finally earned his win. He discussed his winning strategy in his post round interview at the Mcneill Cabin:

“I take three clubs more than I have to, then miss hit it, and somehow the ball seems to go the exact distance I need it to. If I ever caught one flush, it would go forty yards over the green, but that didn’t come up once all week.”

Ever the master of the mis-hit, Fulton was dialed in all day. A breakdown of the irons he used for his approach shots in the final round:

Hole 4 – 170 yards – Hybrid
Hole 7 – 190 yards – Hybrid
Hole 8 – 160 yards – Hybrid
Hole 10 – 155 yards – Hybrid
Hole 13 – 180 yards – Hybrid
Hole 14 – 150 yards – Hybrid
Hole 15 – 180 yards – Hybrid
Hole 18 – 160 yards – Hybrid

Though his Hybrid club was a major factor in his dominating victory, it did not prevent Fulton from leaving it on the 17th fairway, only to be recovered by the group playing behind. Since his humble beginnings, Fulton has always depended on the kindness of strangers...as well as family, friends, waiters, Donna, people at the pier, people at the thrift shop, Eddie, and the folks at the Maritime Museum.

With his landmark seventh win, endorsement deals have already started to roll in for Fulton. Neese’s Sausage and Michelob Ultra have already signed on – and sources claim that the 1995 US Open has shown some initial interest. Life is good for Fulton, who will return home to Philadelphia next week and soon start planning his title defense by playing and practicing daily and then claiming to the Koch boys that he hasn’t played all year.

After failing at his own attempt at history – a third straight Fulton Open – Koch Jr. was crushed: “I guess now all I have left are my looks, my youth and relatively no responsibilities to console me. I don’t know what I am going to do with myself.” Though Koch Jr.’s trophy case will be empty for the next year, he truly has the heart of a champion.

Keeping a relatively low profile for the week, Koch Sr. never truly contended in the tournament, and seemed relatively annoyed and disinterested at points in each round – a far cry from the man who won four Fulton Opens and who many thought to be the next Fulton. Observers noted his interest in playing with his phone and texting all week. Could there be truth to the rumors first reported by the National Enquirer? Stay tuned to Shench.com for the very latest…

Live From: The Fulton Open 2010 -- Round Two

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 17:19:00 +0000

Leaderboard -- click to enlarge

Jones. Nicklaus. Palmer. Watson. Woods. Fulton. No man has ever laid claim to seven major titles. With one round remaining in the Fulton Open, James Fulton has a chance to claim a record seventh title, to stand above these great men in the annals of history, and to really aggravate the Koch boys for the rest of their vacation.

Moving day at the 2010 Fulton Open was filled with the requisite drama – heroic charges, disastrous holes, acting pissed and throwing things – but ultimately the competitors were simply moving in place: Fulton retained the five stroke lead with which he began the day.

Round two of the 16th Fulton Open began amid cloudy skies. The threat of rain (more specifically, rain after the 6th hole, when rain checks are no longer given) visibly frightened Fulton, as his normally intense warm up routine was shortened to a quick forty-five minutes. If his insides were churning, his golf game was not. The tournament leader Fulton got off to a hot start, birding his first three holes, and extending his lead to seven strokes over Koch Jr. and fourteen over Koch Sr. midway through the front nine.

Koch Jr. – as he did in round one – made a courageous charge late on the front nine, cutting Fulton’s lead to only two strokes. After carding a four-under 32 going out, his lowest score since the 2006 event, tragedy reared its head. Entering the men’s room of the clubhouse, Koch Jr. was stunned to find both Koch Sr. and Fulton with their PANTS OFF. Though later reports claimed they were simply re-tucking, the indelible image haunted Koch Jr. throughout the back nine, as he posted a career worst five over coming home.

Jr.’s struggles again opened the door for Fulton to build his lead on the back nine. Playing steady, unspectacular golf, Fulton successfully navigated “Fulton’s Folly” as well as Cranky Amen Corner in even par. Several shots clear of the field, Fulton was able to take the time to enjoy in the spoils of a large lead – appreciating his surroundings, enjoying the good golf he was playing, and reveling in his opponents’ misfortunes. Truly, moving day had turned into a walk in the park for the man who in his spare time has joined a walking group that has an 83-year-old member. A beautiful birdie on the par three sixteen grew Fulton’s lead to six – a costly double on the 18th brought him to -3 overall, one over on the day and five strokes clear of Koch Jr., who posted his second consecutive round of +1.

With one round remaining it is Fulton – a man the tournament committee was considering asking only to hit the ceremonial first tee shot – who has a chance to make history. A win would give him his seventh championship – two more than Jr. and four more than Sr. A loss would allow Koch Jr. to tie him with six.

His flowing locks, distinctive accent, colorful fashion sense and swashbuckling style are all traits that cause people to confuse Fulton with his idol, Greg Norman. Like Norman, Fulton has a tendency to rise to the top in big events. Like Norman, Fulton uses a form of transportation very few others do (Norman: helicopter, Fulton: Subaru SUV). And like Norman, Fulton is not a comfortable frontrunner. His two stroke leads going into the final round of the ’07 and ’08 events were negated by the back nine, and his historic final round collapse in the ’06 event is something the press does not comment on out of respect – the wounds are simply too deep. To win Fulton will have to overcome these demons, along with a certain charge from Koch Jr., as well as the perils of the Koch boys riding in the same cart.

Fulton tees off at 9:30 Thursday morning. His playing partners are Koch Jr., Koch Sr., and fate.

Live From: The Fulton Open 2010 -- Round One

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 14:25:00 +0000

Scoreboard -- click to enlarge

In the face of a several year trend, Day One at the 16th annual Fulton Open took on a decidedly vintage tone. On a day with minimal wind, minimal antics and minimal ‘assholes’ in the groups in front, the traditional frontrunner, Koch Jr., got out to an early lead, but faltered late in the round. His struggles opened the door for a sentimental favorite – Jim Fulton – to claim the round one lead. In a day in which seemingly every staple of the tournament was turned on its end, Koch Sr. provided a level of normalcy by posting a shitty opening score.

Without knowing it, Fulton set the tone for the day’s round before he struck his first shot. Sporting a logo from his new sponsor – the 1997 US Open – on his shorts, Fulton placed the entire tournament into a time warp back to the heady days of the late nineties, when his stock portfolio was high, his waistline was slim, and he was a perennial contender in the tournament which bears his name.

The leader’s shorts – a Shench.com exclusive

It wasn’t Fulton, but Koch Sr., who got out to a hot start early in the round, claiming the lead with a string of birdies on holes two, three and four. Sr. came crashing back to the field on the fifth hole, when an errant tee shot traveled way left. After ten minutes of searching for his ball (roughly nine and a half minutes more time than he dedicates to searching for his playing partner’s balls), it was decided the ball must have ricocheted off the tree and gone across the road. In his first questionable ruling of the day, Koch Sr. remarked “I don’t see any out of bounds stakes, so I assume this is a lateral hazard,” and took a drop, instead of returning to the tee. A later consultation of the scorecard, which was six inches away from him literally the entire time, shed new light on his ruling.

Controversy on day one – Silver Creek score card

Sr.’s struggles allowed the surging Koch Jr. to claim a mid-round lead. Attempting to win his third consecutive, and sixth overall Fulton Open, Koch Jr. has claimed that he is not only competing against Koch Sr. and Fulton, he is competing against the other member of the foursome: History. In a tournament that has seen him grow up, literally and figuratively over the years, Jr. was displaying a new level of maturity in the early parts of the round. No longer the wild gambler of his early twenties, Koch Jr. had seemed to marry the sensibilities of his late twenties with the solid golf game and slight weight problem he harnessed in the late nineties. With a four shot lead at the turn, it appeared Jr. was well on his way. Ever the character foil, the back nine showed how little has actually changed for Koch Jr.: A string of sloppy bogies, followed by a very poor run through Cranky Amen Corner placed him in a sour mood and out of the lead. A late birdie was the best Jr. could do to keep in touch of the tournament leader, Jim Fulton.

Fulton was the story of day one. Playing under the radar for the majority of the front nine, he made his intentions clear with an eagle on the par four 10th. Next, on the difficult 11th hole, so notorious for Fulton’s undoings over the years it is referred to as ‘Fulton’s Folly’, he followed up with second eagle. In two holes he had picked up four shots, the tournament lead, and a sense of giddiness only rivaled by when the Pirate Invasion comes to Beaufort. In a fashion as classy as his shorts, through the back nine Fulton played like he was fifty four again, skillfully avoiding the water hazards and out of bounds which have been his downfall in years past. Fulton overcame his biggest downfall of last year after the round, when he departed Silver Creek. One year removed from the tragedy of his post round slip and fall on the wet floors of the clubhouse – which ultimately forced his withdrawal from the tournament – Fulton was confronted with a similar challenge: late round rains had made the stairs extremely slick. One year wiser, and seemingly several years older, Fulton descended the stairs in a style reminiscent of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rodgers, gracefully entered the passenger door of his Chevy Aveo, and was whisked away to sleep on his first first round lead since 2006.

In keeping with the retro feel of this tournament (and Fulton’s shorts), Fulton Open historians were quick to point out this round’s similarity to the opening round of the 1997 tournament, in which Jr. claimed an early lead only to falter on the back nine in conjunction with a Fulton charge.

1997 Tournament

Fulton ended up winning the ’97 event by four shots. Will the parallels continue? Moving day at the Fulton Open will shed some light on the subject, along with a few other pressing issues: can Koch Jr. put together a solid 18 holes? Is Donna really a brunette now? Can Koch Sr. play an entire round without cheating? And most importantly, exactly how long has Fulton been wearing those shorts?

Glengarry Glen Ross: A Synopsis

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 14:35:00 +0000

Leads leads leads leads leads fuck leads leads fuck fuck leads leads fuck fuck fuck leads leads leads leads fuck leads fuck leads.

Separated at birth 3

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 19:09:00 +0000

Legendary actor John Wayne and Korean golfer KJ Choi.

Separated at birth 2

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 02:42:00 +0000

Butler's Gordon Hayward and the Office's Ellie Kemper

Separated at birth?

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 23:15:00 +0000

Baylor Basketball coach Scott Drew and Jim Nantz

Road Trip 09

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 21:39:00 +0000

A few months ago, I went on a roadtrip. I traveled from my home in Atlanta to the Outer Banks of North Carolina, and from there to Clarksville, TN for my buddy Jason Aimone's wedding, and then back.

To document the trip, I turned the video camera on every 100 miles to capture where I was, and what was happening. Dangerous? Maybe. Pointless? Definitely.

Enjoy!

2009 Fulton Open: Round Three

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 03:00:00 +0000

CLICK TO ENLARGE

Wednesday at the Open is always met with a certain electricity in the air; the sense that history is about to occur is palpable. This has never been more true than in the last two years, in which dramatic charges were made in the final round – leading to the first playoffs in tournament history. Going into this year’s edition, it seemed as though the electricity would be a bit more subdued – with Koch Jr. entering the final day with a seven shot lead, and Koch Sr. seemingly unable to make a charge. What resulted was possibly the most memorable finish in tournament history.

Seven behind with one round to go, Koch Sr. knew he had his work cut out for him if he wanted to make a serious run at Junior. He proactively began his comeback effort the day before, forcing Junior to watch three DVDs he had brought with him: a recap of the 1996 Masters (in which Greg Norman blew a six shot lead during the final day), Top 10 Major Meltdowns (recapping the biggest blunders of all time in Major tournaments), and a Dean Martin celebrity roast (because David Janssen was mentioned). It is unknown whether or not the videos got in Koch Jr.’s head, but he was seen reciting Joey Bishop shtick for the rest of the evening.

On Tuesday night, the rains came, and Wednesday was met with cloudy, humid skies. Koch Jr. emerged wearing a traditional dark green polo shirt – it is Fulton Open tradition to wear a shirt that will match well with the Champion’s Silver Creek hat – while Koch Sr. wore a white shirt, which he immediately spilled coffee all over.

The Koch boys decided to forgo their usual warm up routines to get in front of some ‘local assholes’ who appeared to be teeing off soon, and instead headed right to the first tee. After laying short of the water in two, Koch Sr. knocked his 100 yard approach to the par 5 to 25 feet, and sank the putt for birdie. Junior, who had also laid up, calmly rolled in his 15 foot birdie putt to match Senior with birdie. Sadly for Junior, it was the last score of par or better her would make for the rest of the front nine.

Junior seemed to be bearing the brunt of bad fortune, and bad timing. A perfectly placed drive on the second hole left him less than 50 yards to the green – but a poor pitch found a greenside bunker and resulted in bogey. A well struck drive on the 5th landed in a divot, resulting in a bogey. A perfectly struck par putt on the 7th lipped out. While Junior was struggling, Senior was surging (and getting off on it). He followed his birdie on the first with birdies at two and four. Standing on the 6th tee, Junior’s seven shot lead was cut to four, and Senior was in the hunt.

Smelling blood, Koch Sr. made an aggressive play on the short par four sixth, hitting driver. His swing a little quick, Senior snap hooked his tee shot into the trees on the left – finding the left side of the golf course for the first time since his mid-twenties. A miraculous recovery left him in a greenside bunker in two. Senior has always received criticism for his lackadaisical attitude toward short game practice – especially bunker play. At the time when he needed it most, his short game failed him. Senior whiffed twice before chunking his fifth shot onto the green, some 50 feet away. Two putts later he had carded a seven, and had given back all the ground he’d picked up in the first five holes. Like the coffee stain on his shirt, Senior’s bunker play was an embarrassment for all to see.

Going into the final nine, Junior enjoyed a five shot lead on his father. But as Fulton Open veterans know: the tournament doesn’t begin until the back nine on Wednesday.

Both men got off to decent starts on the back – splitting pars on 10, 11 and 12 – but it was the next stretch, holes 13-15, dubbed ‘Cranky Amen Corner’ where the tournament became a lot more interesting. Senior began the crankiness by double bogeying the difficult par 3 13th to fall seven back of Junior. Junior immediately gave the two shots back on 14, with a double bogey from the middle of the fairway. After both men parred the 15th, Junior stood five up with three to play, moving to the short par 3 16th. At 125 yards, the pin was cut in its traditional, accessible Wednesday pin position. With a storm front moving in, the winds began to gust as hard as they had all week. Junior hit a well struck shot, but it caught the wind and ended up in a greenside bunker to the left of the green. Senior, who seems to be losing distance by the day, hit what some estimate to be a six iron to roughly three feet. After trying in vain to claim the ball was within the leather, Senior tapped in his birdie putt. Junior’s ball had settled on a downslope, leaving him an extremely difficult up and down. He got too cute with his shot, and thinned the ball over the green, some 30 yards away. A pitch and two putts later, and Junior’s five shot lead was down to two, with two to play.

Both men split the 17th with bogeys, which meant Junior would be up two going to the final hole of the championship. The 18th has been the scene of many final round debacles for Junior over the years. The three putt in 2001. The shank into the lake in 2003. The tee shot into the lake in 2007. The snap hooked tee shot / double bogey in 2008. “To say I was nervous would be an understatement,” Koch Jr. later stated. With the championship on the line, Junior ripped his best drive of the day. “Right down my target line – the bunkers on the right. But I guess I was a little amped up.” Junior’s drive travelled right through the fairway and through the first cut, ending up deep in a thicket of trees, some 325 yards away from the tee box.

Not knowing Junior was in trouble from the tee, Senior took an aggressive line himself, swinging from his shoes and busting his drive every bit of 260 yards. His approach from 85 yards landed him just fifteen feet from the hole, giving him a look at birdie. For his second shot, Junior was only 50 yards from the hole, but was stymied by three high trees between him and the green. He attempted to punch his ball through the trees and onto the green, but caught a tree limb which stopped his ball dead underneath some limbs some 35 yards away. The best he could do from that position was pitch short of the green – some 50 feet from the hole -- in three.

“I was doing my best to not think about the disasters I have had on this hole in the past. Or the idea that if I made double and he made birdie, he would win and I would have the greatest choke in history.” With a difficult uphill pitch, six was a definite possibility. But Junior hit a fantastic chip which hit, checked, and released -- lipping the cup and ending up just inches away, leaving him a tap in five, and Senior a putt to tie. As clouds began to build in the sky above, Senior rolled his birdie putt into the middle of the cup. For the third straight year, playoff at the Fulton Open.

The two Koch boys – tied after regulation – rushed to the first tee as they had that morning, and as they had so many times over the last fifteen years. Though tied on the scoreboard, the men were in extremely different places emotionally. The elation on Senior’s face looked as though he had just watched an entire season of the Love Boat – the disappointment on Junior’s face looked as though he had just done the same. In the pouring rain, the Koch boys came upon a father and a young son getting ready to tee off on their first hole of the day, playing together for perhaps the first time. Instead of reflecting on the obvious parallel to their own relationship– a father and son beginning a lifelong bond through the game of golf – the Koch boys demanded they skip ahead of the assholes so they could finish their playoff.

Both men struck beautiful tee shots down the center of the fairway. But with the rain and the wet, reaching the green in two was not an option – so they both laid up to nearly the exact same distance -- the 2009 Fulton Open would be decided by a pitching contest. Senior put his approach 25 feet below the hole. With the rain continuing to come down, Junior hit a sand wedge beyond the hole, spinning it back to roughly 15 feet. Senior was first to putt, and he made an aggressive run at birdie. Just grazing the hole, his putt travelled two and a half feet by. Instead of marking or even stepping away, Senior side-straddled his ball -- as he often does when he plans on giving himself the putt -- and missed his par effort. From there Junior made a cautious run at birdie, missing by just an inch, leaving himself a tap in par for the championship.

“You hate to see someone lose like that,” Junior later stated in his acceptance speech, “but I’ve lost that way like six times so screw him.”

Customarily, the previous year’s winner presents the new champion with the Fulton Open hat and trophy. As Junior’s win made him the second man to successfully defend his title, he had the rare opportunity to present himself with the hardware. In addressing the media, Junior was reflective of his victory.

“I feel like I’m Stewart Cink and he’s Tom Watson. This might have been his last chance at glory and I got in the way of it. Now I’m headed back to Georgia with the trophy and he is headed back to the Midwest with his second wife and a booze problem.“

In a year unlike any other, it is almost fitting that the tournament should end the way it did. The better man did not win, but he definitely showed his mettle. And one can be sure that he, and his ball retrieving friend Fulton will be back next year along with Junior to fight for the title: Fulton Open Champion.

2009 Fulton Open: Round Two

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 03:17:00 +0000

CLICK TO ENLARGE

The second round at the Fulton Open was played on Monday. It was not made official until after press time on Tuesday night.

In a turn of events unforeseen by all except the staff at Silver Creek, six time Open Champion James Fulton was forced to withdraw from the 2009 Championship. One shot off the lead after round one, Fulton entered the proshop to alert the Silver Creek brass of a missing ball retriever. He slipped and fell on a recently mopped floor ; his chiseled 181 pound frame crashing – along with his chances – to the hard surface below.

At first the injury did not seem like a major setback. During his off day Fulton was seen scampering on the beach and bending over to look at shells – in the process eliciting some nasty (and some alluring) stares. However – the fall took a greater toll on Fulton than previously thought -- by game time on Monday, he declared himself unable to play. Out of respect to the six time champion, the competition committee decided to come up with a creative solution to give him every chance to compete: golf would be played on Monday, as scheduled, but without Fulton. If Fulton was able to recover from his injury by Wednesday, Monday’s round would be thrown out and round two would be played then. If Fulton could not go by Wednesday, Monday’s round would be counted as round two and the tournament would finish on Wednesday as scheduled.

On Tuesday night, Fulton held a press conference to declare his withdrawal from the event. Noticeably upset, Fulton did not thank his fellow competitors for being so accommodating, nor did he wish them luck for the rest of the tourney. In fact, he didn’t even address his competitors directly – his press conference was held while he was out on the patio by himself.

Sadly, we have learned that the missing ball retriever -- which caused Fulton to enter the proshop and ultimately lead to his withdrawal -- was in his bag the entire time.

With Fulton’s stunning departure, Monday’s round of golf became official as round two. With Fulton removed from play, the Koch boys were paired together for a second straight day. Always a volatile pairing, the combination of Koch Jr. and Koch Sr. had all buffers removed and were free to play ‘Koch Golf.’

The term ‘Koch Golf’ originated in the late 90s as a theory to explain the phenomenon of why the Koch boys seemed to shoot incredibly low scores when playing by themselves, but could never sustain their level of play with others. Perhaps this was because playing together was extremely comfortable for the both of them – putting them at ease and freeing them up to shoot low scores. Or perhaps it was because when playing alone mulligans and four foot gimmies flowed like Dewars and Hot Tamales (each man’s respective vice at the time).

Regardless of its etymology, Koch golf and the rigid rules of the Fulton Open are diametrically opposed – which caused friction on day two. Neither man was able to find a rhythm during the round, and with the Fulton buffer removed, the Koch boys’ tempers were allowed to shine through. “There is no God” and “I’m going to go back to Atlanta early” were some of the phrases uttered at various points during the round. Koch Sr. struggled with several short putts (which he tried to pretend were gimmies), and Koch Jr. made a mess of the usually easy 16th hole. Assholes on the nearby 8th tee were blamed.

Neither man had a spectacular round, but Koch Sr. was able to string together several birdies on the back nine to cut Jr.’s lead to seven with eighteen holes to go. Just close enough to set up another memorable final round at the Fulton Open.

2009 Fulton Open: Round One

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 13:58:00 +0000

CLICK TO ENLARGE

Historians agree that the last two Fulton Opens have been some of the most memorable in tournament history. The first round of the 2009 edition did not disappoint, with two players posting record scores, and one player farting around and shooting 85.

Saturday at sun-swept Silver Creek found the three familiar figures – Fulton, Koch Jr., and Koch Sr. – paired together for the 15th time in as many years. Controversy – who some say is the fourth member of the group – reared its head early. After finding the water on the second hole, Fulton employed a new tactic in an attempt to gain a competitive advantage: pretending to be an authority on the rules of golf and making up fake rules. Claiming hitting into a water hazard entitled him to drop the ball anywhere he’d like on the entire course, Fulton was quickly rebuffed and was forced to take a traditional drop two club lengths away from the water. “I’ll show you guys the rule later,” Frustrated Fulton muttered. As of press time, the rule had not been shown to anyone.

The ruling clearly affected Fulton, as he sunk into a deep funk for the next four holes: struggling to a four over par start. Quiet and keeping to himself, he seemed to be channeling his inner Ben Hogan. After playing two good shots on the daunting seventh and making an incredible eagle, his attitude suddenly took a turn for the better and he was able to get back to channeling his inner Joey Sindelar.

With Fulton battling inner demons early in the round, the Koch boys were able to make a run at the lead. Koch Sr. grabbed control early, birding the second hole to gain a two shot lead. His first lead in four years was short lived, however, as a double bogey on the fourth hole put him a stroke behind Koch Jr. He would not regain the lead for the rest of the day.

If the attitude at the 2009 Fulton Open is a bit more somber than usual, it is due to the recent learning of Koch Sr.'s medical issues. Announced just weeks ago, Koch Sr. is now undergoing a very public battle with a disease that affects a number of men his age -- the dreaded C word -- constipation. "The good news is we caught it early," Koch Sr. said in a recent press conference. "It would have been one thing if it had been there for a while and it had a chance to grow. But we got it early on, and hopefully the situation will be resolved soon." If Koch Sr. makes his requisite three visits to Whidden's Landing, doctors say he has a 99% chance of recovery. The situation has made Koch Sr. an even larger crowd favorite – everyone is pulling for him to achieve at least a top three finish.

As always, Koch Jr. seemed to be the most steady of the competitors in the early going – getting out to a four shot lead at the turn. With no discernable antics, could it have been that the tournament’s prodigal son, who – had he better controlled his emotions – could have won this championship many more times, finally turned the corner? Had he found the perspective on golf, and on life, that he’d been looking for all these years? After a slammed club and a string of profanities on the 15th hole that would make Lenny Bruce blush, it is clear that Koch Jr. still has a way to go on his journey toward inner peace.

Four shots behind Koch Jr. at the turn, Fulton made a hard charge on the back nine, shooting a 29 on the inward half – an Open record. The run was punctuated by an eagle on number 11 – a hole he failed to break bogey on last year. The run was also punctuated by a literal run – from a nest of angry hornets Fulton encountered after exiting the pro shop. It was the quickest he has ever made the journey from the pro shop to the 10th tee. Could the encounter be the kick in the ass – literally and figuratively – Fulton needed to get back into the championship? Only time will tell. It certainly helped on the back nine Saturday, propelling him to a five under par round of 67 – his lowest opening round in a number of years. Not to be outdone, Koch Jr. birdied the 18th for a blazing 66 and a one shot lead.

In a day full of big storylines, perhaps the biggest of the day came after the round was over. Entering the pro shop in a different way to avoid the hornet’s nest, Fulton slipped and fell on a recently washed floor. His legs cut out from underneath him, Fulton took a hard fall to the ground. Seismologists are still trying to determine what, if any, impact it had on this event. Fulton’s fall left his back and ribs bruised, and his status for round two unknown. Will he play through the pain like his contemporary Tiger Woods did at the 2008 U.S. Open? Or will he withdraw and write snarky comments on the leaderboard like he himself did in 2005? Stay tuned.

A look back: The 2008 Fulton Open

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 15:46:00 +0000

With the 15th annual Fulton Open just weeks away, it seems the time is right to take a look back at the memorable events of last year's tourney.

Follow the link below to relive the drama, the excitement, and the thrown clubs of the 2008 Fulton Open:

http://www.shench.com/search/label/2008%20Fulton%20Open%20Coverage

Stay tuned to Shench.com for updates regarding the 2009 Edition.

Fire up the TIVO

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 19:23:00 +0000

The Race to 1,000

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 02:47:00 +0000

After our humble beginnings in March 2006, the little site that could -- Shench.com -- is closing in on 1,000 visitors. As of this posting the count is at 770, putting us on track for hitting four digits in February, 2010.

Who will the lucky thousandth visitor be? Recent visits seem to indicate they will come from Asia, or be looking for info on boyfriend trousers. Or will it be YOU?

Whoever it is will receive a special prize pack -- including a signed copy of the Shench.com home page. To register simply visit www.Shench.com. Just typing in Shench.com doesn't work for some reason. Tell your friends!

Dear Moes

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 22:12:00 +0000

I didn't even want to eat there on Friday. Not in the mood. But you are close to my office, and I love sour cream.

Even after I parked my car in your lot, I thought long and hard about going to the McDonalds across the street. Decided it would be too much trouble to move the car.

I decided to splurge. Went for the Chicken Carbonara quesadilla instead of just plain chicken. Maybe spending an extra dollar would get me excited to eat there. That and the sour cream. The sour cream never lets me down.

It took a little longer than usual for you to make my special meal. Your cashier gave me a knowing look -- a look that told me this meal would be like no other. I was excited.

Your server handed me the basket over the counter, covered in chips. I noticed it was missing sour cream and asked for some. Your cashier told me there's an extra charge for sour cream -- it doesn't come free with the Chicken Carbonara like it does with the regular quesadilla.

Fuck you Moes. All the sour cream in the world won't change what you did.

Everyone's Got Problems

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 22:14:00 +0000

(click to enlarge)

Interview With the Champion

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 14:31:00 +0000

One week after the winner of the 14th annual Fulton Open was crowned, Shench.com sat down with the winner -- Spencer Koch Jr. -- to discuss the tournament, his place in history, and life after the Fulton Open.

Shench.com: Another year, another dramatic Fulton Open. Take us through the back nine of that final round in your own thoughts.

Koch Jr.: Just a total grind. Tee to green, I had my 'C' game. You're sitting there trying to make up five shots with nine holes to play and you have no idea where the ball is going -- it's tough. But all I could do was hang in and try to stay close to Fulton. When he came back to the field on 15, all of the sudden I had the lead. But it didn't change my mentality on 16 and 17. I still had to gut out pars. Then I got to 18...

Shench.com: You came to the 18th up three shots, and chose to hit 3 wood off the tee. How much did last year's debacle [hitting driver into the water on the final hole] influence that shot?

Koch Jr.: Well I didn't hit driver on 18 all week, so honestly I don't see where you get off asking that kind of bush league question. I was up three with one to play -- I had the luxury of being defensive. How was I supposed to know that son of a bitch was going to make a four and force a playoff?

Shench.com: What were your thoughts going into the playoff? You had just blown a lead on the final hole for the second straight year, and the playoff started on number one -- a hole you had not played well at all during the tournament.

Koch Jr.: Honestly, what the hell is your problem? I won the damn tournament didn't I? You're making me sound like a total rube out there. Yes, I did have troubles on the first hole during the week. But I figured if I missed my drive to the right, at the very least I'd have a chance at getting the ball close in two -- and that's exactly what I did. Once I got my tee shot in play, I figured I had a good chance to win the thing.

Shench.com: Your win pulled you alongside Koch Sr. with four career majors. And yet, you two have won in completely different ways. While most of his wins have been runaways, yours have all been very tight. In fact, with the exception of your first win in '99, all of your wins have been down-to-the-wire struggles. Do you feel like that diminishes any of your victories? Like you're not capable of pulling away and lapping the field?

Koch Jr.: [Throws mic into nearby lake] This interview is over.

Live From: The Fulton Open -- The Final Round

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 15:49:00 +0000

The third and final round of the Fulton open offered something for everyone: for Koch Jr., a shot at redemption. For Fulton: a chance to add to his legacy. For Koch Sr.: a shot at improving his score while no one was paying attention.

As the sun rose on Swansboro, North Carolina yesterday, everyone knew exactly what was on the line: glory's only shot.

CLICK TO ENLARGE

Front Nine: Fulton pulls away

Fulton opened the day with a tee shot right down the middle. Wearing his traditional Salmon colored polo -- his power color -- Fulton stared down Koch Jr. in a way that suggested "I'm here to play." Koch Jr. responded to Fulton's challenge by snap hooking his drive out of bounds for the second straight day. After using his mulligan and slicing his second drive way right, Koch Jr. returned the stare to Fulton in a way that suggested "I'm screwed."

Koch Jr. rebounded after his shaky tee shot and took advantage of a Fulton mistake on the first hole to pick up two shots on Fulton -- and tie him at -4. However, the tie was shortlived. Unable to hit a fairway or a green in regulation, Koch Jr. could only make pars and was unable to keep pace with Fulton, who made three straight birdies on holes 2-4.

The first turning point -- according to Koch Jr. -- came on the 7th hole. Having just dropped a shot on the easy par 4 6th, Koch Jr. found himself in the trees and three down to Fulton, who was in the middle of the fairway. After a pitch out to the fairway and a mediocre wedge shot to 30 feet, Koch Jr. was on the verge of falling another stroke behind. Undaunted, Koch Jr. sank the 30 footer, and then birdied the 8th to get to two under on the day. "I felt like a punching bag," Koch Jr. later explained: "he was rattling off birdies on the front nine, and I couldn't respond. So standing over that putt on number seven, I knew I needed something to go right to get me fired up. When I made it -- even though I didn't pick up any ground -- I just knew I had what it took to make a run."

Holes 11 - 14: Koch Jr. makes a run

Despite Koch Jr.'s reversal of fortune, he still found himself five back of Fulton -- who had posted a blazing 31 -- at the turn. After both men made birdie on the 10th, they approached one of Fulton's nemesis holes -- the treacherous par 5 11th. In round two, Fulton had made nine on the 11th after hitting his tee shot into the trees on the right. After his drive split the fairway, it looked as if he would be safe from another large number. Needing only a layup with a mid-iron to get himself into position, Fulton wildly sliced his second shot into the trees on the right. What followed was a comedy of errors -- resulting in his second straight nine on the 11th hole. Koch Jr. also got into trouble on the 11th -- carding a 7 himself -- and with handicaps was only able to pick up one shot.

Disgusted with only picking up one shot on the 11th, Koch Jr. approached one of his nemesis holes -- the short par four 12th. Desperate not to slice his teeshot out of bounds, Koch Jr. snap hooked his drive into the woods on the left. His punch shot from out of the trees flirted with the out of bounds next to the green -- coming to rest some five feet from the white marking stakes. After a difficult pitch to fifteen feet, Koch Jr. faced a tricky left to right putt to save par. With Fulton taking several shots to extract himself from a greenside bunker, Koch Jr. had a chance to pick up another shot.

"I was so annoyed with myself for screwing up the 11th. I figured if I could steal one here, that would more than make up for it."

Koch Jr.'s putt found the bottom of the hole, and he made another putt from the same distance on number thirteen to pick up another shot. With five to play, Fulton's lead was one.

Fulton hit a perfect drive down the middle of the difficult 14th hole. Koch Jr., desperate to keep his momentum going, sliced his drive way right, deep into the trees. His attempt at pitching out was unsuccessful, leaving himself in the trees for his third shot. Meanwhile, Fulton had laid up and was looking at making an easy five for a net birdie. Koch Jr. attempted a high cut around the trees but was unsuccessful -- his ball settling in some loose dirt under a tree and behind a bunker next to the green. With Fulton on in three and on track to make birdie, Koch Jr. knew he had to minimize his mistake:

"The best I could do from there was make five, and only drop one shot to Fulton. If I made six and fell three behind with four to play, that's really hard to come back from. So I knew I had to get it up and down to have any chance."

His pitch off the dirt landed in the fringe and released to 20 feet above the hole. Fulton two putted for five, and Koch Jr. calmly rolled in the downhill putt to only drop one shot.

Hole 15: Fulton's Folly

Having established some breathing room with a solid birdie on the 14th, Fulton was in the driver's seat with four to play. An errant tee shot found the right woods, but he made a great recovery to place him on the fairway in two. With a short iron in his hand, Fulton badly pushed his third shot below a bunker to the right of the green.

The shot -- a delicate pitch over the bunker to a very narrow green -- called for nerves of steel. Trying to be aggressive, Fulton thinned his shot over the green -- leaving himself a shot more difficult than the previous. From there he would take five to get down -- surrendering his two shot lead to Koch Jr., who had made birdie in the process.

Hole 18: The victory celebration is put on hold

Having picked up another shot on 17, Koch Jr. found himself three up on Fulton going to the final hole. Despite the lead, Koch Jr. was faced with a lot of haunting memories of the 18th on the final day: "Last year I sliced it into the water and lost in a playoff. I shanked it in the water in '02. I've lost it there so many times. I just didn't want to screw it up again."

Concerned with the water on the right, Koch Jr. again badly hooked his teeshot into the left hand trees. Fulton pured his drive down the middle of the fairway, and hit a brilliant approach just off the back of the green in two.

Koch Jr. arrived at his ball and found he had an opening in the trees to attack the pin. Rather than be aggressive, he chose to lay up in the fairway.

"To get at that pin and around the trees, I'd need to cut it. If I overcut it, I'm in the water. If I double cross and hit it left (which I've done all week) I'm in the trees on the left. All I needed was a five to win. Made sense to me."

Koch Jr.'s approach left something to be desired. Although only sixty yards away, he pulled it slightly, and his ball rode the wind into the back bunker. Lying three, Koch Jr. needed to get up and down to make his five. He was unable to convert his bunker shot and had to settle for a six - leaving a glimmer of hope for Fulton, who was lying two behind the green.

A poor pitch left Fulton twelve feet for par (net birdie), which would get him into a tie with Koch Jr. at -6. Undaunted by the pressure, Fulton's putt found the back of the cup, and the two men were in a second playoff in as many years.

Playoff: Deja Vu all over again

Just as they did in '07, the two men marched to the first tee to begin the playoff. Fulton, with the honor, topped his tee shot. Koch Jr. - concerned about snap hooking it into the woods -- sliced his drive into the 9th fairway, very close to his position in the '07 playoff. This time, Koch Jr. was able to get his second shot close to the green in two, leaving himself a 30 yard pitch over a bunker.

Fulton hit a great second shot to make up for his poor drive, but was not in a position to try and clear the pond on his third shot. Instead he laid up and tried to get up and down from 100 yards for par. His fourth shot did not find the putting surface, and he was unable to get up and down for six. With several strokes to play with, Koch Jr. pitched short of the green, chipped on and two putted for a six -- one better than Fulton -- and good enough to give him his fourth Fulton Open title.

"It feels weird," Koch Jr. said in his post game press conference. "I mean, I kind of choked on 18 again. And I made bogey in the playoff. Not exactly the stuff of champions. Still though, at least I don't have to go into therapy for another year."

Fulton declined all interviews after the round. Observers saw him headed in the direction of the Maritime Museum in Beaufort, North Carolina, where pirates are said to be invading. Perhaps he's trying to join them.

Live From: The Fulton Open -- Round Two

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 15:28:00 +0000

The second round of the Fulton Open is usually referred to as Moving Day, as it gives players a chance to move up the leaderboard. The 2008 edition certainly lived up to its name -- the wildest round in the history of the Fulton Open included two lost balls, confrontations with other groups, and a club in the lake. And that was only on the first hole.

(CLICK TO ENLARGE)

Controversy ensued early in the second day, soon after the players arrived at the course slightly later than usual. A coin flip decided that Koch Sr. and Jr. would be riding together, with Fulton riding separately. Always a volatile pairing, Koch Jr. and Sr. expedited their warm up sessions to account for their late arrival, and to ensure that they would tee off at their scheduled 9:30 start time.

After practice chipping and putting for several minutes, Koch Sr. noticed that some "assholes" were getting set to tee off in the Koch/Fulton scheduled timeslot. Anxious to tee off on time -- and in front of said assholes -- Koch Sr. and Jr. rushed to the first tee. However, it was too late. Without Fulton -- who was still completing his rigorous warm up routine -- present on the tee, the players were forced to let said assholes play through.

"And boy were they SLOW," Koch Sr. contends. After a lengthy wait for them to clear the fairway, Koch Jr. -- noticeably stiff from not hitting a shot in over a half an hour -- hit his first shot of the day out of bounds on the left. Forced to use his mulligan, Koch Jr. overcompensated, and hit his second tee shot well right, into the 9th fairway.

After another long wait for the group in front, Koch Jr.'s approach fell short of the large lake fronting the green. Arriving at his ball, Koch Jr. decided to use his sand wedge, but upon reaching for the club in his bag, noticed it was missing. Quickly realizing he had left it on the practice green in his rush to get to the first tee, Koch Jr. decided to use his lob wedge to hit the delicate shot instead.

Koch Jr. was unable to pull of the shot, the low bounce of the lob wedge cutting right underneath the ball and only advancing it some 30 feet -- the result very reminiscent of Jean Van de Velde's approach into the burn in the 1999 British Open. Like Van de Velde, Koch Jr. was the leader at the time of his gaffe, but unlike Van de Velde, Koch Jr. did not handle his mistake with class. After flinging his club in anger, Koch Jr. took a penalty stroke and dropped his ball. After successfully reaching the other side of the green, Koch Jr. -- still upset -- flailed his arms and unwittingly let go of the club.

Onlookers say the club traveled upwards of seventy feet in the air. "It felt like it was up there for a long time," Koch Jr. later said, "at least as long as it takes Fulton to warm up every morning." Although the club traveled a great distance vertically, it did not travel far enough to reach the other side of the lake -- the culprit wedge splashing down into the murky water much like Koch Jr.'s hopes and dreams.

After the spectacle, Koch Jr. was still faced with the unenviable task going back for his wedge, and completing the hole. Miraculously, he was able to get up and down for a net bogey; dropping only one shot -- and one club -- in the process. Koch Jr. later described the incident as embarrassing but necessary. "In a way, it was cathartic. The next time I'm put in a position where one guy is really really slow and the other guy is always rushing around, I won't react that way. I'll just think back to the time I went nuts and threw that club into the lake, and I'll be OK. In a way, when I threw that lob wedge into the lake, it was like I was throwing all my problems in there with it. Let's just say that lake might need a little time to decontaminate."

Despite all the controversy, Fulton played the front nine of his life, making an incredible run of birdies and eagles and tying his own front nine scoring record of 29 in the process. "It's a strategy I've developed over time," Fulton explained. "First what I do is plant the seed that I am too old to be competitive. Then I play poorly on purpose in the beginning to make them not take me seriously. Then the secret weapon. Once I get the lead, I talk about how I don't want to play with them any more, to make sure they are EXTRA nice to me. They're so busy being nice they can't concentrate on their own games and I can beat their brains in! If only the rest of the world were made up of Kochs...I would be a billionaire!"

During his blazing front nine, Fulton not only took the lead, he seized it by the throat. After eight holes he had picked up seven shots -- turning a two stroke deficit to Koch Jr. into a five stroke lead. Koch Jr. did his best to stabilize after the first hole disaster, playing the next eight holes in two under -- but it wasn't enough -- Fulton zoomed right past him on the leader board. Koch Sr. was unable to pick up any ground, as he continued to battle a balky putter.

His lead down to four after the 10th hole, Fulton faced disaster on the 11th. A 10 dropped Fulton back to -5 and into a tie for the lead with Koch Jr. He battled back, however, playing smart golf and benefiting from Koch Jr.'s mistakes. A poor pitch on the 13th lead to a bogey for Koch Jr., and a tee shot that traveled some 70 yards right of the fairway cost him a double on the 14th. "I think if he'd aimed a little farther right and hit that shot, it would have ended up behind him," playing partner Koch Sr. later quipped. Koch Sr. continued his struggles -- making seven from the middle of the fairway on the 15th. "I'm quitting this game," Koch Sr. sighed. "Maybe I'll go into antiques." He really said that.

Up six with two to play, Fulton closed out the day with a whimper, not a bang. A double bogey, bogey finished allowed Koch Jr. -- who eagled the 17th -- to climb back to within two going into Thursday's final round. "I feel like Rocky vs. Apollo Creed," Koch Jr. explained in his press conference. "Last year, I entered the final round down two, and I went the distance with Fulton. Rocky and I didn't win [Koch lost to Fulton in a playoff], but we proved we can go the distance. And then in Rocky Two, he did beat Apollo Creed...so I've got that going for me, which is nice. Plus, Fulton always kind of reminded me of Carl Weathers." Koch Jr. failed to recognize Rocky III, in which Rocky and Apollo Creed become friends and train together to defeat Clubber Lang, played by Mr. T. It is unclear whether or not Koch Jr. regards Koch Sr. as Mr. T in this scenario.

After a wild day filled with Eagles and animosity, as the sun set on Silver Creek we were left with one more indelible image from the Fulton Open:

Koch Jr., stripped down to his underwear, diving into the lake in front of the first green, trying to find his lob wedge.

The stage is set for a compelling final round at the Fulton Open. Another two horse race, Koch Jr. and Fulton will be riding together, in what is sure to be another memorable chapter in this event's illustrious history. And Koch Sr. will be there too to run around and yell at people.

Stay tuned to Shench.com for continued coverage, live from the Fulton Open.

Live From: The Fulton Open -- Round One

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 16:32:00 +0000

With round one of the 14th Fulton Open in the books, a familiar storyline has emerged: Koch Jr. claims an early round lead.

(CLICK TO ENLARGE)

Players arriving at sunswept Silver Creek were greeted by low winds and soft greens -- some of the most benign conditions in recent history. Despite the optimal scoring conditions, players struggled out of the gate. Koch Sr. and Fulton both double bogeyed the first hole to give Koch Jr. a two shot lead -- a lead which he did not relinquish all day.

The Front Nine: Koch Jr. separates from the pack

Fulton made the first big mistake of the day -- pushing his tee shot way right on the short par 4th. His drive came to rest on some pine straw near a septic tank. The metaphor not lost on him, Fulton decided to play the rest of the hole like utter crap. After a free drop, Fulton had to decide between a punch out to the fairway, or a risky shot up and over some trees to the green. Choosing the latter, Fulton sliced his approach even further right and deeper into trouble. A poor pitch out and several poor chips later and Fulton had carded a 9 on the hole -- his highest recorded score in years. Despite the early troubles, Fulton held steady and played the rest of the front nine in one under par.

Koch Sr. also got off to a poor start but made a run at par in the middle part of the front nine. Two birdies on holes six and eight were offset by bogeys on five, seven and nine -- and prevented Koch Sr. from picking up any momentum. There was an unsettling moment on the seventh hole when a questionable rules call caused him to drop a shot. After a strong tee shot had gone through the fairway, his ball came to rest slightly behind a large pine tree. Although not obstructing his line of site, Koch Sr. asked if he was allowed to move the ball away from the tree. Although in years past it was legal for players to move their balls one scorecard away to prevent injuries, this rule was changed by Fulton -- showing some remarkable foresight -- on the car ride over. Forced to play the ball as it lied, Koch Sr. struck well behind it, only advancing it some ten yards. "I knew it," the exasperated Koch Sr. claimed, following up by asking "my ball is now ON A ROOT. Am I allowed to move it NOW?"

Koch Jr. had the most solid front nine of the three, but was not without some early jitters. After a three putt bogey at the first, Koch Jr. snap hooked his tee shot into the lake on the par four second, forcing him to use his mulligan. After his mulligan found land, Koch Jr. shanked his second shot, forcing him to scramble for another bogey. After a double on the 5th, Koch Jr. settled down with four straight pars to close out the back nine.

The Back Nine: Fulton makes a run

At the turn, Koch Jr. sat on one of the largest first round leads in history -- up five on Koch Sr. and seven on Fulton. The customary visit to the clubhouse did not turn up any signs of Donna, so the players were able to arrive at the 10th tee in an amazing 15 minutes.

Fulton had a remarkable back nine which brought him back into contention. Eagles on numbers ten and fourteen along with a birdie on number twelve helped him pick up five shots in five holes. Fulton, giddy with excitement, parred the last four holes to give him a closing 31 and place him two strokes back. Giddy with excitement, Fulton took extra time in packing up his car after the round -- extending his usual twenty minute routine into a robust thirty five minutes.

Koch Sr. continued his sporadic play on the back nine -- with two offsetting bogeys and birdies on top of five pars. Koch Sr. showed signs of brilliance on the back -- staking his approach to ten feet on the difficult fifteenth and hitting the green in two on the par five 17th -- but was unable to convert the putts he needed to pick up any ground.

Trying to extend his lead on the back, Koch Jr. had his share of adversity on inward nine. After a birdie on number ten got him to three under, a badly hooked drive into the lake on number 11 forced him to give it right back. A sliced drive out of bounds on number 12 lead to another bogey -- his first back to back bogeys of the tournament. After a birdie on 13 got one back, Koch Jr. again wildly hooked his drive on number 14 into the trees. In customary fashion, Koch Jr.'s playing partners were of little help in finding Jr.'s ball -- deciding to hit their own shots first, then halfheartedly looking for them in the wrong area for roughly 45 seconds before giving up and returning to their balls. Koch Jr. eventually found it, however, and was able to scramble for a net par, much to the dismay of his playing partners. A birdie on 15 and an incredible 30 foot birdie on 17 were negated by Koch Jr.'s double bogey on the 18th. A solid tee shot caught a fairway bunker, which Koch Jr. played poorly. His resulting pitch found a greenside bunker, which he could not get up and down from to save bogey. The two shot swing brought Fulton to within two, and gave Koch Jr. and even par 36 on the back.

Reactions

Koch Sr. was the most outspoken of the group during the afternoon, claiming that he was very close to turning his game around. His logic may be flawed however, because in the same conversation he claimed that The Fugitive was the best television show of the last fifty years.

Koch Jr. -- though disappointed by his play on the 18th -- took some positive thoughts with him into round two: "Today I played the hard holes well and the easy holes bad. If I can just do the same thing and play the easy holes better, I'll be in good shape." But we all know that's not going to happen.

Fulton, in a shirt adorned with a logo from his new sponsor -- Cadillac -- continued his strategy of claiming he is too old to be competitive. "All I am trying to do is make it through three rounds. With my back the way it is, you never know when it is going to go out. Now hold on while I go fish for six hours, bike ride, run around, and do various other things which directly contradict my earlier statement."

Early analysis shows that this tournament is still wide open. Koch Jr. has been known to give back shots, and his pursuers' games seem to be rounding into form.

Round two will begin tomorrow at 9:30 AM. Stay tuned to Shench.com for continuing coverage of the tournament.

Live From: The Fulton Open

noreply@blogger.com (shench) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:42:00 +0000

With the first round of the 14th Fulton Open just days away, players are beginning to descend upon Emerald Isle, North Carolina.

As we approach round one, reports out of Silver Creek are beginning to circulate. Here are some of the headlines from the week:

Round One Pairings Announced

The FOGA (Fulton Open Golf Association), in association with a 10% off package deal from Emerald Isle Realty, made tee times public early this week.

Group One -- Sunday, August 3rd, 9:30 AM
Fulton
Koch Jr.
Koch Sr.

Group Two -- Sunday, August 3rd, 9:45 AM
Some local assholes

The featured group in round one will be the Fulton, Koch Jr., Koch Sr. pairing. Placing three former champions in the same group is sure to be a crowd favorite, and it will be interesting to see how each man responds to the attention and huge galleries.

Asked about the increased media attention that will come with the three superstars playing in one group, Koch Jr. responded with typical candor:

"I think it's awesome. It's normally like that for the weekend rounds of an Open anyway. We'll just be playing in that environment for three days. The challenge for Fulton, myself and Koch Sr. is to not to get caught up in each other. We have to try not to compete against each other. But you know that if you're staying close to Fulton, you're close to the lead."

Fulton visits Silver Creek

In what has become his customary routine in preparing for majors, Fulton was seen surveying the grounds -- and Donna -- at Silver Creek earlier this week.

"The course is looking good," Fulton stated to the press on Tuesday. "The rough is up, which I believe is an advantage for me. If my ball sits down in the rough and we can't find it immediately, Koch Sr. is certain to get impatient and tell me to 'just drop one.' I'll get to put my ball in a better position than the original one, and piss off Koch Jr. at the same time."

Controversy erupted following reports that Fulton tried to seduce Donna during his visit. "All I was trying to do was have her take me out to a barn out in the middle of nowhere, just the two of us. I didn't even bring my cell phone. You tell me how that is shady at all," Fulton angrily responded. When asked for comment, Donna pretended not to know who Fulton was.

Koch Jr. posts handicap

In an exclusive to Shench.com, Koch Jr. has released his handicap calculations for this year's tournament.

With scores noticeably higher than years past and having not played since the end of June, Koch Jr.'s approach to this year's tournament is a far cry from the cold, Oakley sunglasses wearing, wiry young man who dominated the event in the early 2000's. Some are speculating that Koch Jr. may not be a factor in this year's tournament.

"Haven't played a lot, that's all," Koch Jr. stated earlier this week. "I'm at a point where there's more to my life than just golf." When asked what that was, Koch Jr. responded "I don't know...Xbox?"

Nevertheless, Koch Jr. plans on playing at 75% of his handicap as he has done for the last three years. "Last year I played to a 12 but went into the tournament as a 9 and lost in a playoff. Why would I do that again? Because there's more to this tournament than just winning. There's also having a built in excuse in case you lose."

Koch Jr. will be playing to a 12 in this year's event.

Koch Sr. fails in match play event

Playing as a warm up to the Fulton Open, Koch Sr. was defeated 5 & 3 at Old Warson on Sunday. Koch Sr. explained the reasons for his loss:

"The group ahead of us was too slow. It was too hot. One of the guys in my group looked at me funny. The greens weren't cut fast enough. The group behind us was right on our ass. Some asshole didn't rake a bunker. I didn't get a snack at the turn. The fairways weren't cut with alternating vertical stripes. It was too windy. The group four holes ahead of us didn't acknowledge my wave. And also I can't make a putt inside of five feet."

The Fulton open begins on Sunday. Be sure to turn to Shench.com for round by round updates live from Silver Creek as the week progresses.